What is confrontation?

When things feel frightening, unpleasant or just plain unsettling, our natural tendency is to avoid or try not to think about these things.

This short-term solution works well (it temporarily reduces the unpleasant and unwanted feelings), but the opposite response, which is confrontation, can bring about long-term, more effective rewards. That might mean such things as lower anxiety, lower depression, better emotional control and greater peace of mind.

We could think of this opposing response as confronting those things that we would naturally prefer to avoid.

So confrontation might mean that you need to:

·       Notice (pay attention) when you are feeling upset/worried/distressed/etc.

·       Notice (pay attention to) your natural desire to move away from these negative experiences

·       Consider doing the opposite to what your body/mind is pushing you to do — give yourself the chance to try out this new and probably very uncomfortable option

·       Test this idea by gently confronting the unwanted experience — this response can be described as ‘leaning towards or leaning into’ the very thing that you want to avoid

Confronting things in this way is counter-intuitive, which is why it is so difficult.

You could think of it as the same movement we use in skiing — leaning forwards and downhill (which seems counter-intuitive but is necessary for you to keep your balance).

It’s very easy to avoid facing up to thoughts and feelings that we don’t want, and it is easy to procrastinate and avoid doing things that we are uncomfortable with (e.g., beginning difficult tasks, maintaining social relationships or following through with plans and activities that we are not motivated to do).

When avoiding things becomes a habitual response, it may be hard to notice how often and when avoidance is happening.

You may notice, however, that you are experiencing higher levels of things like anxiety, depression, worrying and stress at work, and that you generally have less peace of mind.

What you can do:

Resolve to pay attention to how you respond to things during the day.

Do you notice when you are feeling especially negative about something?

Do you notice when you actually move away from (avoid) certain people/situations/feelings/thoughts?

Do you feel better or is your mind eased when you do this?

Could you pay more attention (name it, acknowledge it) to what you are moving away from?

Can you ‘lean towards’ rather than ‘away’ from this experience?

Be prepared to feel uncomfortable with this new move.