Running away from those feelings…

Many of the problems that people experience (e.g., anxiety, stress, relationship problems) occur when they try to avoid experiencing negative or unpleasant emotions. Having negative feelings can be a very unsettling, unpleasant experience. However, your body is reacting in the way it has been designed - it is telling you when it is experiencing feelings of despair, hopelessness, sadness or loneliness, so that you can take appropriate action. These unwanted feelings are common and are to be expected - since what happens in life is often challenging, hurtful, or scary. If you are not sure whether or not you are avoiding negative feelings ask yourself these questions: When I expect to feel something negative do I just feel numb? Do I feel driven to do things or go places when something goes wrong? When I am in an emotional situation (e.g., being close with my partner) do I find something else to do or focus instead on things or people that I think are wrong? Avoiding the experiences of anxious feelings or feelings such as hurt, rejection, and sadness may provide relief in the short-term but there is a long-term cost. People who don’t experience or understand their emotions may find that suppressed emotions can become stronger rather than weaker. They may find themselves doing things automatically that they don’t understand or want to do - such as engaging in unwanted behaviours (e.g., drinking, overeating or having inappropriate relationships), or pulling away from situations and people (e.g., not engaging in conversations or activities) or feeling compelled to keep busy (e.g., spent excessive amounts of time at work, playing sport, or with hobbies). Some people might find themselves feeling excessively emotional at times - say when watching a movie or responding to something their partner has said. Suppressed emotions can also surface in dreams, flashbacks and images that might interfere with sleep and concentration. In a society that values the expression of good (happiness, joy) rather than negative (anger, frustration, sadness) emotion, people often see the expression of negative emotion as less acceptable. No wonder so many of us strive to regulate, minimise and suppress it. What you can do Be open. Be prepared to experience any feelings your body is telling you about. Expect negative ones to show up - since these are part of life.