Anxiety - what is it really?

Anxiety is normal.

That is, there isn’t a human being on this planet that doesn’t have it.

Even human being has anxiety – courtesy of our brain evolution.

Some people have high levels of anxiety, and some people have low levels of anxiety and many of us cycle up and down in anxiety levels depending on what is going on in our lives.

Which is actually fine – that’s how all emotions work.

When emotions are moving up and down (like waves), that’s normal and healthy.

What’s not healthy when it comes to emotion is levels that are too high or levels that are too low.

That is, people who are chronically angry or scared (too high) or people who aren’t in touch with their feelings (are numb and defensive).

The problem with anxiety is not even that it gets to be too high – it’s this – when it gets too high for many people, it gets stuck.

And that’s a big problem because then anxiety keeps on going and going and going (and generally getting worse).

The big issue with anxiety is that people inadvertently and understandably keep doing things that keep it stuck.

Here’s the two things we always do that keep anxiety going:

• Negative thinking (honestly, how could we stop?)

• Avoiding things (of course, its normal to avoid painful things)

Because we use CBT (or I do) to manage anxiety, we want to know what you’re thinking, what you’re feeling and what you’re doing that’s keeping your anxiety stuck.

And then we’ll unstick it. Right?

Anxiety is an awful experience. It only has ONE emotion in it – do you know what it is?

Of course, it’s FEAR. (As opposed to depression which has four – sad, lonely, helpless, hopeless).

Fear is a very unpleasant emotion simply because it’s a survival emotion. One that you need to keep you alive.

And we all have this fear, courtesy of our reptilian brain.

This is the same brain your ancestors used 200K years ago when they lived in caves and rubbed sticks together for fire.

And it hasn’t evolved very much since then.

This brain does just what it was evolved to do – it spends all day casing the environment and looking everywhere for threats (then it was lions, tigers and people that came over the hill to kill you).

These days, it’s anything threatening at all (and there’s plenty of that). Your reptilian brain is 100% negative.

It’s a survival-based brain, and it needs to know if there’s something dangerous hiding out.

It has zero interest in anything positive because positive things like pretty sunsets and flowers do NOT keep you alive.

Don’t wait for it to tell you nice, encouraging and pretty things.

The other thing this reptilian brain worries a lot about is this:

• People. Are you liked by others?

We’re super sensitive to being accepted by those around us, because, from an evolutionary perspective, when people around you don’t like you, they’d have probably killed you in the early days.

Brains are hyper-sensitive to people excluding you, talking about you or ignoring you.

• Brains are also hypersensitive about relationships.

Brains are super worried about our love lives.

If we don’t feel loved, accepted or special to someone, our brains get very distressed (which is why all the movies are about love).

Again, that’s an evolutionary thing (in part) because years ago, if there was no one there to protect you, you could easily miss out on food and shelter and possibly die.

You Have Three Brains

So, let’s think of your brain developing as three brains (from a neuroscience stance, this theory is now outdated – but it helps people make sense of why we become anxious).

You have a reptilian (like a crocodile) brain at the top of your spine and this is super old and very basic.

It monitors such things as breathing, sleeping, eating, hormones, sex, temperature etc.

When you are in a coma in the hospital, this is the brain that keeps you alive. But it’s very limited.

Many millennia later, between your ears – put your thumbs in your ears and touch your fingers at the top of your head – is your mammalian or feeling brain.

This developed when we needed cooperation, tribal stuff and caring for each other.

And many millennia later, in your forehead developed your thinking brain – this is your work brain, your decision-making one, the one that makes socially appropriate decisions, manages your life, problem-solves, and acts intelligently.

When we’re talking about anxiety, we’re not talking about this brain, nor are we talking about your feeling brain.

Rather we’re talking about your reptilian brain, which, most of the time, is just plain scared.

Fight, Flight and Freeze

So, what does this reptilian brain do when it finds negative stuff in the environment (which it will surely do because it’s looking for it all the time).

Of course, it tells your body.

When your body gets this message, and it’s an urgent one, you will go into Fight/Flight/Freeze.

That is, the adrenalin will surge through your body and you will instinctively Fight/Flight/Freeze.

Some of us fight (get aggressive, yell, scream, throw things) but most of us flight (we’re super good at running away).

Very few of us actually freeze – but some people do – they can’t even get off the floor sometimes.

When we flight we run away from: things we don’t like, people we don’t like, situations we don’t like; we procrastinate, we avoid asking for what we want, and some of us run away from our thinking, and some of us even run away from our feelings.

Whenever we run away from our own thoughts and feelings, we are running away from ourselves. It’s like trying to outrun your shadow.

But this doesn’t make sense – because we are now Fight/Flight/Freeze from things, situations, thoughts and feelings and NONE of these things are going to kill us, or even harm us.

So, how do we make sense of this?

To make theoretical sense of this, we’ve added the idea (we can do this because we’re only creating theories) that somewhere between 200k years ago and today in 2023, humans have developed the most wonderful gift of language.

That is, now you have words for everything.

Your head is full of words. You have everything that happens in your world inside your head in language.

And every time you use these words – you kick your body into Fight/Flight/Freeze.

And that’s what anxiety really is.

What’s going on around in the world is really important, but what’s far more important is what you THINK about what’s going on in your world.

So, when we change the way you think, feel and behave in your world, we are going to change the anxiety.

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Look – these people said it too!

Epictetus Stoic - Ancient Greek Philosopher

You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.

If you are pained by external things, it is not they that disturb you, but your own judgment of them.

And it is in your power to wipe out that judgment now.

Buddha said:

We are what we think.

All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world.

What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our

life of tomorrow: our life is the creation of our mind.

And Shakespeare

Make not your thoughts your prisons.

There is nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so.